Biden Introduces Obama to Twerking

28 Aug


President Obama: Let me just say, we cannot appear weak here. If we do not strike at Syria and strike at them with great force, Assad will be over there there thinking “Oh, that Obama is weak, a real chicken shit, let’s gas some more people. And the nut from North Korea. What would stop him from doing the same?”

Vice President Biden: I agree. Let’s bomb them. How ’bout this afternoon, three-ish?

President Obama: But don’t we need to go to the United Nations first, you know, get some kind of authorization, like a note or something? I better call David. Get me David on the phone.

Vice President Biden: No, no. Wait a sec. Here, take a look at this. I think this will help. Watch this.

(Joe slides his laptop over to Barrack)


President Obama: My God, who’s the guy in the Beetlejuice costume?

Vice President Biden: No, look at the girl, Hannah Montana. Look at what she’s doing there.

President Obama: Oh. Yeah. I see that. What is that?

Vice President Biden: That there’s called twerking. It’s the thing now. It’s not all that difficult. I’ve been working on it. You just bend over a little . . . and . . . here, let me show you.

(Joe stands)

See here, I have to hold onto a table or something because of my back, but you’re younger. You can just raise your arms up over your head and do this.

(Joe begins to twerk with one hand on the table and one over his head)

President Obama: But what are you doing? I can’t tell if your bottom is bouncing like this young lady’s. It looks like you’re just–

Vice President Biden: You can’t tell through my slacks?

President Obama: No Joe I can’t.

Vice President Biden: Dammit, here, let me take off my pants so you can see. I could feel some bounce back there. Are you sure you couldn’t tell?

President Obama: No, Joe, not at all.

(Joe takes off his pants and resumes twerking, holding his shirt and jacket up above his butt)

Vice President Biden: Okay, there we go. You see that? Look at that! I know you’re seeing it now, huh? What do you think about that, prez? That’s twerking right there.

President Obama: Yeah, yeah, I see it. Not bad, not bad. But I think I can do it better than that.

Vice President Biden: No way.

President Obama: Yeah. Yeah. I think–

(Joe stops twerking)

Vice President Biden: I don’t think so. You saw the bounce, right. I was all over the place back there.

President Obama: Yeah, Joe, I saw it, but I think I can do it better. Here, let me try.

(Barrack stands, unbuckles his belt, slide out of his pants, shirt, and jacket)

Vice President Biden: Yeah, we’ll see won’t we? Oh, getting all serious, huh? Mr. Competitive over here.

(Barrack bends knees, raises arms up, twerks)

Vice President Biden: Why’s your tongue out like that? What is that?

(Barrack stops)

President Obama: I’m twerking. The young lady, Hanna Montana, she had her tongue out.

Vice President Biden: No, you don’t have to do that. It’s not part of it.

(Barrack resumes)

President Obama: Yeah, there it is. That feels good. See there? See there?

Vice President Biden: Yeah, not bad. Not bad.

(Press Secretary Jay Carney opens the door, enters, Barrack stops twerking)

Jay Carney: Mr. President, we need a statement on–whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry guys. I’ll come back.

President Obama: No. Jay, come in here. You tell us who can twerk better, me or Joe. Be honest.

Jay Carney: Mr. President . . . Syria?

President Obama: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Syria this, Syria that. Let’s do this real quick and then we’ll talk about Syria.

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