Marital Conflict #34,342: Over the Hedge

15 Apr


Occasionally I like to present marital conflicts in this space for educational purposes. If you’re a human you know what I’m talking about. Married people can’t agree on much of anything. If I tried to write about every marital conflict that pops up in our home my fingers would be bloody stubs by now. So I pick and choose.

This conflict is about what we decide to bring into our house and store for (possibly) decades. As you may know this is a serious topic to me.

This morning I went into the garage to find an umbrella and noticed the unboxed hedge trimmer on the floor. Jennifer bought this hedge trimmer two weeks ago. Her dad owns a hedge trimmer. Her dad lives an hour away and visits regularly. We need a hedge trimmer one time a year, in the Spring. We used his hedge trimmer last Spring.

You can probably guess what’s going on here. I would like to return the hedge trimmer, borrow her dad’s hedge trimmer, and knock out all the hedge trimming on a Saturday afternoon.

Why I want to return the hedge trimmer:

  • I’m a fan of collaborative consumption. Start a tool library in your neighborhood.
  • I don’t want to find a place to store the hedge trimmer
  • I don’t want to look after and maintain the hedge trimmer for forty years.
  • I don’t want my daughters, after their parents’ deaths, to be responsible for disposing of an old hedge trimmer.

My wife is not around at the moment to list the benefits of hedge trimmer ownership, but her reasoning at the time of purchase was that she needed to trim the hedges and cut back the fountain grass RIGHT NOW. That was two weekends ago. Her dad has been to our house twice.

Please, if you know my wife–and I know some of you do–reach out to her, see if you can douse her hedge trimmer ownership ambitions. Maybe say something offhand and subtle like “I think you should return that hedge trimmer to Home Depot and go eat at Sugo’s with the refund.”

If you think we really do need a hedge trimmer, I would love to take a peek into your cluttered garage.

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