There’s a Storm Brewing Behind us

11 Apr


Let me start by stating that I have never, ever ran over a person with a car. Furthermore, I have never accidentally, unknowingly dragged a live being for a full mile, again, with a car. I’m sure it could happen, especially since I’ve hit the half-way point of my life where the odds of shit like this happening will now rise with each passing year as I slowly lose my faculties. (But, seriously, I hope to GOD this never happens because, well, I’m just too fragile to recover from killing someone.)

This morning, though, I kinda got the idea of how it would go down.

Yesterday’s storms knocked over one of the stuffed lawn waste bags that were stacked out by the road next to our driveway. It’s the size of a chubby eight-year-old. As I carefully backed out of the drive with Chloe and slid the car into drive, I noticed our across-the-street neighbor’s slightly bemused expresssion as I gave a hearty wave. I checked the mirror to make sure I wasn’t wearing a rainbow clown wig and then motored on without another thought.

A half mile and half way to Lincoln Middle School I noticed a storm of leaves trailing us. I looked ahead expecting to see more leaves blowing across the road in the fierce wind, but no fierce wind existed.

I looked in the rear-view mirror again. With the dark clouds still in the area, it seriously looked like a fresh thunderstorm was whipping up right behind us. In front of us: nothing.

“Are we dragging a freaking lawn bag?” I asked, more to myself than to Chloe.

Then I heard what I think it would sound like to be dragging a human body with a car.

“Yep, we are. We’re dragging a lawn bag all the way to your school.”

When we made our final left turn mere yards from the school, the bag, apparently all out of strength, let go and parked itself right in the center of our lane. A clutch of dead, moist weeds–not wanting this wild, unexpected ride to end–fluttered about and behaved as if they wanted to finish the trip with us.

Then, convulsing with laughter, we almost cheerfully blew by her school.

Then when I got home, to my horror, I discovered an 8th grade science teacher clinging to my bumper. Heh. Just kidding on that part, but the rest is “for real.”

2 Responses to “There’s a Storm Brewing Behind us”

  1. mom April 11, 2013 at 1:15 pm #

    Bet you guys laughed hysterically!

    • fightn4it April 12, 2013 at 9:15 am #

      Sure did. I was or THOUGHT I was being careful backing out around it. ha.

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