The Fifth of July: No Burns, Body Parts Intact

5 Jul

We enjoyed the pyrotechnic show last night from a safe distance, no flaming debris crashing about like last year. Of course, I would have liked to have been closer, but we arrived too late to cram into Troy Park and we wanted to have a quick escape–in years past it took an hour to get back out of said park.

I spent the Fourth cleaning the garage, riding my bike, gulping water to stay hydrated, wiping the sweat out of my eyes, and yanking on my sweaty boxers. Yeah, gross, right?

This morning on our walk, Dexter (our little two-year-old black dog), found a biscuit in a neighbor’s yard. Instead of stopping to eat it (like the time he found a big cracker), he continued on … urinated on a stop sign, a lawn bag, and then walked up into a different neighbor’s mulch and dug a quick hole, dropped the biscuit, and then, with his face, spent 30 seconds covering it up.

I was amazed. I gave him a good praising when he hopped from the mulch onto the sidewalk. I said something like “That was so awesome Dexter; I had no idea you could bury a biscuit!” I’ve seen dogs bury bones in cartoons on TV. And they certainly bury a lot of bones in children’s books, but I’ve never witnessed it.

I was most impressed with the efficiency, like he does it all the damn time. I mean, the biscuit was completely buried in 15 seconds. He could have walked away right then, but he spent some extra time nosing around in there getting it just right.

The cats bury their waste several times a day in our basement, but who cares, right? That’s not half as cool. And I can’t stand there watching the cats in the litter box because their poop makes me gag and run. I’m beginning to think I need to jerk a knot in the cats’ tails to encourage them to do something cool once in awhile. Cat nip is kinda fun, but they just plop down on the floor and rub their faces in it. I need to find some “nip” that makes them do back flips. Right now our cats are excellent at sleeping and standing around looking at me like I’m supposed to be entertaining them. I’m sure the cats would just love to see me to bury a biscuit with my face. Assholes.

* * *

Anyway, in other news, I rode the recumbent tricycle yesterday and this morning. I had been thinking about selling it, but it’s just too awesome to part with. There’s one thing I can’t stand: the amount of attention it attracts. I can’t ride a block without someone yelling “Cool bike!” from a car window.

Exactly the same, but mine’s green.

Yesterday, someone in a beat up car yelled “I’m going to steal your bike!” I whipped my head around to look because it startled me. It sounded like a female. Then she laughed real loud. I thought I was back in Pana for second. Then this morning a guy staring at me from his car smiled real big and silly at me and waved.

What’d I expect, right? And the thing is a bright green to stand out just a little more.

Actually, there’s three other minor issues. 1) It takes up a lot of space in the garage; 2) I can’t use the bike racks on the buses; and 3) I would have to buy a special hitch rack to transport it with our car.

* * *

Let’s see, what else is going on? Not much really. I’m in Panera again, watching fat people eat junk like scones and cream cheese smothered bagels, getting fatter. What’s the freaking deal with these people? I know, I should save this for my other blog, but it’s sad how rare I see healthy-looking people these days. Eating junk food is just as unhealthy as smoking. It’s hard fact to accept.

Not the way I wanted to end, but they’ve lowered the temperature in here to 40 degrees and I’m dressed for 105.

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