Ahhh! There’s Blood Everywhere!

31 May

On Saturday I ran a 5k (a good thing) and then bit the hell out of my tongue (a bad thing).

Now, there’s a difference between “biting the hell” out of my tongue and simply “Ow, I just bit my tongue.” I was chewing the hell out of a piece of gum a short time after the race. Again, “chewing the hell” out of my gum is different than “chewing gum.”

Some runners experience an altered mood after a race. It’s an elevated mood; everything is faster, better. So I was jazzed up and chewing about 50% harder. I was opening wider. My CPM was near 90. That’s Chews per minute.

So I’m chewing the hell out of this gum–bubble mint–when the left side of my tongue somehow got in the way of my teeth. My tongue being pounded by my teeth sounded like this: cckkccrunch.

My hand shot to my face and my face wrinkled into an ugly mess. I didn’t yell though. It was more like a hum combined with a moan. With blood pooling quickly, I said “Shit, this is going to ruin my whole day.”

Well, it hasn’t exactly ruined an entire day, but it’s lessened the pleasure of eating and increased my love of sucking on ice.

I knew it would be annoying me for days. This is day four and it feels the same as it did on day two. I can’t put my tongue in a sling. The slimy thing’s moving all around in there, 24 hours a day. I’ve looked at my tongue more this week than I have in the past ten years combined. It’s ugly. Just ugly.

And it’s swollen. I can’t eat right. I can’t talk right. If I could pull the damn thing out of my mouth and slap the shit out of it . . . I would.

Heal! Heal! You stupid-ass tongue.

** The Race **

You might have been wondering how bad I smoked the field during the race on Saturday. Oh, you weren’t. Hmm. Anyway, I finished 218th out of 551. I should be happy that only 217 people beat me, but I beat over 300 people. Smoked ’em. Sure, some of those I finished ahead of were fossils. (That was an insensitive, derogatory thing for me to write). Some had leg injuries. Some were twelve. Some hopped the entire 3.1 miles on one leg. Still . . . I beat ’em.

But it’s depressing to see that I would have finished 5th out of 12 in the men’s 60 to 69 field. That’s not so hot. I’m re-thinking that “fossil” comment up there. I wrote that before I saw how fast those geezers can run.

** Chloe’s injury **

Oh, I have another injury report. My daughter, Chloe, dropped a circular piece of thin metal on her toe. It’s the size of a large pizza (the metal, not the toe). It’s supposed to hang on a wall to tack notes onto with magnets. If I would throw this thing at you like a Frisbee, it would definitely cut your head off. Right off. Messy.

I saw it happen. It cut right through her toe nail, near the base. It was bloody (from all the blood) and loud (from her freaking out). It looked painful and I wished it had happened to me instead. (No I don’t.) Now she keeps banging it on things, but it’s healing better than my tongue.

She had planned on running the race too, but the toe injury happened Friday morning. She won her age division at her first 5K earlier this Spring. I really should write about that separately.

Please, pray for my tongue tonight.

NOTE: This was written 2 or 3 days ago. My tongue is finally healing. Thanks for your concern.

One Response to “Ahhh! There’s Blood Everywhere!”

  1. genesismeranda May 31, 2012 at 9:38 am #

    hahahahaha CPM!

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