You’re in Salad World Now, Grandma!

13 Jan

I eat salad for breakfast.

That’s weird. I typed that first sentence and Happy Gilmore popped into my head. This part:

Shooter McGavin: You’re in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast! 
Happy Gilmore: [laughing] You eat pieces of shit for breakfast? 
Shooter McGavin: [long pause] No! 

Oh man, now I just felt this little pull in my insides (right near my spleen) begging me to revisit this movie soon. Here is my absolute favorite part, right here:

Grandma: Sir, can I trouble you for a glass of warm milk? It helps me go to sleep. 
Nursing Home Orderly: You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up! Now, you will go to sleep! Or I will PUT you to sleep. Check out the name tag. You’re in MY world now, grandma! 

Okay, back to boring talk about salad. I’m writing about salad because this morning I threw together this epic mix of nutrition.

This sucker weighed just a squirrel’s nut under three pounds. Yes, I really did weigh it and, yes–I know–I have too much time on my hands. Have you ever Googled the word salad? No, of course not. Dumb question. Here is one way to put it:

A cold dish of various mixtures of raw or cooked vegetables, usually seasoned with oil, vinegar, or other dressing: “a green salad”.

I was wondering what makes a salad a salad? The temperature? The content?

Since late summer my brain’s idea of salad has been torn down and built back up into such a monstrous entity that I’m having a little trouble breathing right now. It’s all just too much.

I used to think salad = romaine lettuce, maybe a crumbled Saltine, black olives, and some processed dressing. When I’d go “big time,” I’d add tomato and carrot.

This salad is made of ginger, broccoli, cauliflower, onion, artichoke, chickpeas, quinoa, almonds, brazil nuts, walnuts, pistachios, cashews, coconut, apple, banana peppers, blueberries, tomato, and a “cutie” or California mandarin.

The dressing is from pomegranate juice, prune juice, garlic-infused red wine vinegar, balsamic vinegar, brown mustard, and lime juice.

I’m including this next photo because I was messin’ around with my camera and was shocked to find it could do such a neat trick. I was standing there dumbly staring into the giant mixing bowl and I thought hmm, I usually have more greens in there. This was the first time I ventured away from the “automatic” mode of point and shoot. It automatically picked out all the green and–well, you can see.

This morning before school, as my 7-year-old ate plain Cheerios in vanilla soy milk, I ate half of this salad. I’ll eat the other half for lunch. And get this: I’ll fix another salad this afternoon.

Odd, you say? Scandalous?

Obviously, I’ve entered the “salad” phase of my life.

What “phase” are you in?

One Response to “You’re in Salad World Now, Grandma!”

  1. Lunar Euphoria January 13, 2012 at 7:56 pm #

    I’m in a tea and roasted cauliflower phase.

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