Let Squatting Dogs Lie

1 Dec

I’ll get to squatting dogs in a moment.

While walking Dexter this morning, I was struck by the beauty of existence. The whole world was sparkling with–okay, no, not really; nothing, in fact, was beautiful this morning. The truth is, I overslept by ten minutes. I know, ten minutes is nothing, but this week I’m working on this new morning routine that has me sleeping all the way to 6:40. That’s late for me when you consider the past few years where I’ve rolled from bed as early as 4:00.

Getting up at 6:40 gives me enough time to:

  • Walk Dexter
  • Throw together two school lunches
  • Fix my breakfast
  • Eat some of my breakfast
  • Feed Chloe
  • Spend some time with Chloe before seeing her off to the bus stop at 7:25.

So when I stumbled downstairs at 6:50, I felt rushed and discombobulated. Chloe immediately tossed two math questions at me. I mumbled a couple of large numbers then asked Dexter if he could “please not pee on the rug.” Okay, fix the lunches. I reached into the cabinet to grab a couple lidded bowls for grapes and applesauce and found none.

Oh yeah, here’s why: the girls have “adopted” a stray kitten. They take those bowls outside every day to feed and water the little orange thing, but of course they never bring them back in. They stack up and blow around the yard.

Anyway, despite the rough start, we managed.

Okay, I’m finally getting to what I first wanted to write about this morning: dog poop, or how a dog poops.

Dexter’s a male dog. He hikes his leg up to pee. Once in while, though, he raises his leg, pees, and then manuevers his body into a modified poop-stance, but without lowering his pee leg to the ground. So he poops with one leg way up in the air. He does this all the time, three times a week probably. I love it. It entertains me every time.

Do I have the only weirdo male dog that turns a pee into a poo with raised leg? I mean, how many dogs are walking around, pooping, on this planet, millions? I can’t have the only dog who three-leg-poops.

Let me know if you have any insight to add to this pressing matter of national concern.

UPDATE 1 (The Next Day . . . Stray Cat)

The girls first discovered this cat under the wheelbarrow. I found FIVE empty bowls under there last night.

UPDATE 2 (The Next Day . . . More Dog Poo)

Sammie, our older dog, seems to enjoy when I take her along on walks with Dexter. This morning I walked both dogs and I was annoyed at Sammie, because she always divides her poop into to two acts. She poops; I pick it up and tie the poop baggie. But then she’ll walk 40 to 50 feet and poop again, but this time it will be a smaller amount, sometimes the size of a bouncy ball. Still I have to pick it up and tie the poop baggie. This poo and poo routine has become a habit with her.

On the other hand, Dexter doesn’t mess around with a second poop. It’s one and done. “Boom! I’m done,” he probably thinks. Since he’s still relatively new to us, after each poop I still say “Good boy! Good boy!”

The issue–I should go straight to a psychologist for this–is that I feel this slight nagging anger every time Sammie assumes the poop position on a walk. She’s been around for eight years. She deserves respect, right? But since she’s always been a “tie out” dog, I feel like I’m doing her a favor by walking her. And she has the nerve to “double poo” when she could easily do it all at once. Lately it’s been cold and it’s not easy tying those poop bags wearing gloves.

When Dexter squats to poop, I feel like I do when I’m watching a baseball game and my team gets a base hit. It’s not excitement, but a subtle, unspoken “Yes!” Part of that is he’s still a young dog learning that’s it not okay to poop in the house. When he poops I can turn around and go straight home if I want. It’s a tiny victory.

So am I a bad person? Is Sammie evil? Am I completely, bat-shit crazy?

You decide.

10 Responses to “Let Squatting Dogs Lie”

  1. becomingcliche December 1, 2011 at 11:45 am #

    I hate cleaning up after my mom’s dog. The spaniel is a traveler. If I find one nugget, I’ll find 5 more within a 2 foot radius.

    I once walked a dog who did her business while balanced on her two front legs. Frightening.

    • fightn4it December 1, 2011 at 12:39 pm #

      Two legs!! Wow, that IS impressive.

  2. Jamie December 1, 2011 at 1:00 pm #

    My dog has to poop in a bush. Like, find a small (or big) bush, straddle it, and make it so his poop drops down right through the center of the bush. It’s really quite amusing to watch as he tries to get one leg over the top of thebush while squatting.

    And these two mini dogs I walk, they pee on ech others heads because as one pees, the other will stick his face down there to sniff it.

    • fightn4it December 1, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

      Dexter does that too sometimes, or he’ll poop right up against a big tree. I never knew watching a dog poo could be this fun.

  3. MOM December 2, 2011 at 6:14 am #

    Saw Scoobie heist his leg on a sign one time and poop dropped out! Made me laugh out loud! NEVER saw that before!

    • fightn4it December 6, 2011 at 11:24 am #

      Guess it’s common then. Ha.

  4. Linda December 5, 2011 at 3:44 pm #

    Once when I was walking our outside dog on the walking trail he pooped right up a tree. Yep he backed right up to it as far as he could get his behind up, he’s a short, fat, beagle, then he pooped his way back down. It was in a long line like a sausage. Yes I stood there laughing. Even I had had a bag with me I would never have picked it off of the tree! I can’t get used to the fact that this dog poops while out walking. My inside dog only poops in our yard 99% of the time.

    • fightn4it December 6, 2011 at 11:25 am #

      Ha. That would’ve been a great time to have a video camera. Dogs can be weird.

  5. Linda December 5, 2011 at 3:44 pm #

    oops it should say even if i had had a bag with me.

  6. Linda December 5, 2011 at 5:19 pm #

    Oh and my husband’s two favorite plastic cereal bowls are out in the yard with the outside dog. During the summer I was using them amoung others to freeze water for the dog.

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