Do Dogs Dream? Boobs Boobs Boobs Boobs Boobs

15 Feb

Boobs

I have always thought that dogs dream just like humans. Luckily for our four-legged friends, they probably do not dream about income taxes, world hunger, and cancer. Unfortunately for them, they probably do not dream about Natalie Portman’s boobs either. Of course, I don’t dream about Natalie Portman’s boobs because I’m married. I dream about the same things all married men dream about: Scarlett Johannson’s boobs.

a Boob

To confirm that dogs do, in fact, dream, I typed “Katy Perry’s boobs” into Google and found out nothing about dogs, but spent twenty minutes looking at all the cool hairstyles Katy Perry has worn since her rise to fame following the hit single “I Kissed a Girl” in 2008.

Eventually, I made it to this article titled “Do Dogs Dream?” written by Stanley Coren, Ph.D. and he tells us something along the lines of:

of course, you dummy readers without advanced degrees, you KNOW dogs dream because you have seen them twitching and shaking and whining and growling in their sleep. Big dummies.

Boobs

He also writes about “the pons,” which is a part of the brain (it’s not very scientific sounding, is it?) that keep us (and dogs) from acting out our dreams. Without my “pons” last week, I would have driven eighty miles in my sleep to my childhood home to fight space aliens with a samurai sword. In an experiment on dogs, they removed or deactivated this section of their brains and then–the most abhorrent act in this experiment–forced them to watch The English Patient to bore them to sleep quickly.

Once asleep and dreaming without their “pons,” scientists were astounded to find the dogs standing up on their hind legs asking for martinis, cigarettes, and hookers. I don’t know HOW I missed those study results in the mainstream media.

I’m writing about this topic because our dog, Sammie, was dreaming yesterday at my feet as I was napping on the couch. She started to twitch and whine, waking me up. I then fell asleep and dreamed about strangling her for interrupting my dream about Salma Hayek’s boobs. I’m thankful for my “pons,” because I don’t really want to kill our dog. Though, most of the time, she acts half-dead anyway. That’s what got me wondering: If a dog does nothing all day, what the heck can she be dreaming about?

More Boobs

So I set about removing or deactivating our dog’s “pons” to determine the answer to that question. Of course, I knew I needed a scalpel and a bunch of absorbent towels, but, beyond that, I had no idea where to begin. So I did what most intelligent, responsible pet owners would do: I typed in “Christina Hendricks’ boobs” into Google. Luckily, this distracted me for so long that I gave up the idea of cutting into our dog’s brain just to find out if she really dreams about lying around all day. I mean, how can she expend more energy dreaming than she does awake? When awake, twitching and whining would at least give me a sign that she’s still alive.

So, to recap, I have learned two things today: (1) dogs dream, and (2) the internet is a good place to look at celebrity boobs.

Finally, more boobs

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5 Responses to “Do Dogs Dream? Boobs Boobs Boobs Boobs Boobs”

  1. misfit120 February 15, 2011 at 12:44 pm #

    Ah yes….the boob factor. My favorites are, yes…Christina Hendricks and, if you really do a good Internet search, Emily Deschanel (Bones) Which is one reason both your blogs and my blogs will never ever get a “Freshly Pressed” on WordPress. But I think we’ll sacrifice that…don’t you.

    • fightn4it February 15, 2011 at 12:48 pm #

      Ha Ha. Yeah, sometimes we must sacrifice.

  2. wordsandwhich February 15, 2011 at 9:47 pm #

    Haha, you’ve had lots about hairy balls, boobs and the like lately. It’s keeping me cracked up for sure!

  3. paulbeforeswine February 16, 2011 at 5:51 am #

    You know what is the best thing about having a blog?

    Being able to Google Image “boobs” and call it RESEARCH!

    Sweet!

  4. jane August 18, 2011 at 8:52 am #

    Love your blog please take a look at my free pics video clips submitted by me, I would love to swap a blog link with you interested?. My Boob Photos And Movies Here Free

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