My Kids Were BORN Mouthy (But I didn’t kill ’em)

31 Jan
screaming, devil-baby

Can a precious baby be "mouthy"?

Just when I start to feel sorry for myself I see stories like this.

Julie Powers Schenecker, a 50-year-old mother from Tampa, shot and killed her two teenagers on Thursday, because she was “fed up” with their back talk and mouthiness.

A child murdered for mouthiness. Hmm.

Let’s pretend that in 1972, when you could buy a gallon of gas for 55 cents, President Nixon signed a bill into law that forced parents to kill their children as soon as they felt adequately “fed up” with back talk and mouthiness. It’s a terrible law, I know, because my life would have ended some time in early in 1974 short of my second birthday. Just think of the glut of unused toys across the nation.

Here’s a typical couple in the 70s:

Betty: Tony, I think I’m ready to have kids.

Tony: Are you sure, Betty? But what about the … ?

Betty: Yes, I am sure! You’re doing swell at the firm and the time just feels … perfect!

Tony: But what about that new mouthy law? I don’t think I have that kind of self-control. I mean, if it applied to wives instead of children, you wouldn’t even be here right now.

Let’s say the law didn’t exist until 2000. I’m no longer mouthy to my parents so I get to live, but, alas, I would be childless.

When Chloe was a baby, on her first night home, I was shocked when she started pitching a fit in the middle of the night. One second I’m dreaming I’m skipping naked through a field of lilies licking a lollipop, the next I’m elbowing Jennifer on the forehead, telling her to go find that noise and to quell it, whatever the hell it is! Then two hours later I’m again forced to put down my sucker and step out of the lily field.

My Typical Dream

My dream, my heaven

I was “fed up” with that baby’s mouthiness from day one.

But not really. I totally exaggerated all that. I had read What to Expect When You’re Expecting, so I knew she would be wailing about every three hours. I never elbowed my wife on her forehead. I was fully clothed. And it was a Popsicle.

I feel sorry for Julie Powers Schenecker because she’s obviously struggling with a serious mental disorder, but I wish her explanation included a loony rant about six-armed monkeys instead of bitching about the commonest of parental grievance: mouthy kids.

Share

11 Responses to “My Kids Were BORN Mouthy (But I didn’t kill ’em)”

  1. omashu1 January 31, 2011 at 1:31 pm #

    Haha I love the picture.
    It was hilarious.

    • fightn4it January 31, 2011 at 3:32 pm #

      Thanks!!

  2. ozarkmomma January 31, 2011 at 1:46 pm #

    I was shocked and mortified when I read the news article about this lady killing her children because they were mouthy. I have picked at times about throttling them and may have even threatened to stick them in a padded box, with air holes, water bottles and crackers so I could send them to Grandpa’s house. I have been dealing with an angry child since my oldest was 3 months. She was so angry I looked up anger management classes for babies (just to find out there isn’t one). To actually follow through though takes a whole other level of crazy. I hope that this lady is able to find the help she so obviously needs.

    • fightn4it January 31, 2011 at 3:35 pm #

      I agree. I hope she’s not locked up and forgotten in the “system,” but parenting IS the hardest job in the world and almost impossible to get right. Thanks for commenting.

  3. Dawn January 31, 2011 at 4:29 pm #

    I agree with you. Blessings to her and everyone involved, and all parents and all children.

    But, um…I gotta ask…what is the difference between lilies and lilies-of-the-valley? It is your heaven and you can name your flowers whatever you wish. I guess in my heaven I have different taxonomy because my mouthy kid is into botany.

    • fightn4it January 31, 2011 at 4:39 pm #

      lol. After looking at both, I would rather run naked through Lily of the Valley. Before today, I knew very little of either. Thanks for commenting!

  4. SWK January 31, 2011 at 7:27 pm #

    That is really disturbing. Killing kids because they were mouthy??

    • fightn4it February 1, 2011 at 9:39 am #

      Well, that’s what she said, but obviously there’s much more going on there.

  5. Booksphotographsandartwork February 1, 2011 at 3:46 pm #

    I keep wondering if maybe she hit her head in the car accident she was in and had some horrible brain injury that caused that. It’s just too horrible to think she just went off the deep end and did such a horrible thing. But maybe all things considered it wasn’t as bad as what Zarhar Baker’s mother and father did too her! Poor little ten year old girl who had cancer, lost her hearing and part of a leg. They let two men rape her, then killed her, who knows how, then cut her up and spread her body parts all over. And now the police don’t seem to be able to come up with enough good evidence to decide who did it. Ugh! Makes me so mad. Well both situations are horrible. Maybe I should thank God that I am alive. My brother and I gave my mom fits when we were growing up. After having two kids and a grandchild I do feel bad for what we put her through. It was mostly my brother’s fault though. I do have to say that.

    • fightn4it February 1, 2011 at 5:35 pm #

      Holy cow, I somehow missed that story, but I’m reading about it right now. Depressing.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. What are different hairstyles someone with a big head and forehead can try? » Answer - January 31, 2011

    […] My Kids Were BORN Mouthy (But I didn't kill 'em) « plum bananas […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: