Mommy, Did You See That Guy Catch That Wild Cabbage Like a Ninja?

26 Jan

After working yesterday I went over to Dierbergs (a St. Louis area grocery store with Whole Foods-like prices) to pick up a few things. Though a can of tomato paste costs $10, I went there because I love their mini shopping carts. Even if I need to pile food up to the ceiling, I will use the mini-cart instead of the regular cart. In the photo is a cart that is similar to what Dierbergs offers. I have inserted my head where I would normally put something large, like a sack of Yukon Golds. Don’t ask about the ferret.

Yesterday was a tough day, at least early on. I sat here feeling sorry for myself for an hour; then I got busy and felt better. By the time I was pushing around a mini-cart at 12:30, I was practically giddy. So I have a produce story here, a short one. I dug my arm in the Brussels sprouts (Okay, do you see that word back there–Brussels?–I had no idea it’s spelled with an “s” on the end and is to be capitalized; before NOW I thought it was brussel sprouts. And yes I know I’m the only person in the country who actually eats Brussels sprouts.

Brussels sprouts are roundish. If you ever try to pick up Brussels sprouts in a grocery store, you’ll find that they tend to roll around. If you touch a motionless pile, or even if you look at them funny, a small avalanche will generate. I’ve never walked past Brussels sprouts without setting off a spill. So, again, I dug my arm into the Brussels sprouts (I can’t get used to typing “Brussels”) and a rogue ball of wild cabbage went into action, rolling from the pack, bouncing down and off the produce platform.

Though I’m pushing–um–30, I still have the reflexes of a freaking ninja. It’s just that I don’t often get the opportunity to show them off in public. I mean, like, I don’t get into fights and stuff like that. As this flying vegetable was descending towards the floor, my body twitched in anticipation, muscles shifted and sprung, and other things happened that I can’t even begin to understand. My legs and feet moved so fast that our cats would cry in embarrassment that their normally slow-footed master carries this amazing set of hidden cat (or ninja) skills.

I snagged that S.O.B. wild vegetable out of the air with my lower extremities, trapping it between my right foot and my left shin. If it had a tiny little face it would have looked like this:

Wow, how'd you do that?

Yeah, that’s a look of shock. I looked around and gave people a look that said all this: yeah, I’m the man and you just witnessed something in the produce aisle that you normally don’t get to see, an ultra-athletic, ninja-speed, magic trick of what the human body is capable of. I casually bent down, grabbed the veggie and threw it into my little sack.

It’s the small things that make life great.

10 Responses to “Mommy, Did You See That Guy Catch That Wild Cabbage Like a Ninja?”

  1. blmoonlight January 26, 2011 at 9:34 pm #

    You wrote, “I snagged that S.O.B. wild vegetable out of the air with my lower extremities, trapping it between my right foot and my left chin.” I’ve just got to ask … we’re speaking of the lower extremities here – heal to butt, right?

    And btw, thanks for all of the smiles you create!

    • fightn4it January 27, 2011 at 7:55 am #

      Ha Ha. Ya know, I thought about how that would sound, but yeah, totally didn’t catch a veggie with my privates. Ha. Thanks for reading!

      • blmoonlight January 27, 2011 at 9:48 am #

        Oh that would’ve been quite Ninja in itself! lol! But I’m thinking now that you meant to say “shin” and not “chin”. ? Either that or you are quite limber. 😉

        • fightn4it January 27, 2011 at 11:11 am #

          Oh jeez. Thanks for pointing that out. I fixed it.

  2. Patience aka Nurse Wrachette January 26, 2011 at 11:58 pm #

    First off I blame you for my addiction to Whole Foods and thier amazing salad bar, soup bar, entree bar, cheese dudes, fish guys, and omg have you had the real procutto? Wait your vegan, but still the potatoe leak soup is my addiction. Pretty much our whole grocery budget is spent there lol But I was thinking those ballarina shoes may come in handy for your ninja like reflexes in the produce section!

    • fightn4it January 27, 2011 at 7:56 am #

      My wife works near Whole Foods, but the closest from our home is 30 minutes away. Not too bad, but I just don’t make the effort very often. Potato leek soup sounds good.

  3. scriptorobscura January 29, 2011 at 5:48 am #

    So funny! Thank you for giving me a much needed laugh today! I love your blog. 🙂

  4. Lunar Euphoria January 29, 2011 at 6:27 pm #

    I eat brussel sprouts too, but I refuse to type the word correctly. It looks horribly wrong.

  5. ozarkmomma January 29, 2011 at 7:47 pm #

    Stumbled onto your blog from Freshly Pressed (congrats by the way) and liked what I read so started looking around. And oh-mi-gosh my child now thinks I am nuts because I can’t stop laughing. Great imagery!

    Oh and you are not the only person who eats Brussels sprouts, I love them steamed with a dab of butter.

  6. Sarah January 30, 2011 at 12:47 pm #

    That literally made me laugh out loud and now my husband thinks I’m insane.
    Thank you!

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