If the fly farts

26 Aug

This morning I got up at 4. Jennifer did too–for a minute. On her way to the bathroom she asked “Are you getting up?” I said yes. She said “What the hell for?” Or maybe she said “What the hell! Four?”

First I went to make sure Ainsley was covered up, because it’s, like, frosting over in the house–what, is it 40 degrees outside? In August?–and she wasn’t even in here bed. I looked on the floor between her bed and the wall. I looked in Chloe’s room. I started to freak out a little, because it’s not like her to wander down to the couch in the middle of the night. I’m freaking out because people like this are walking around.

I’m an ultra-light sleeper. If a fly farts, I’m awake (and not happy with the fly). Well, last night Ainsley must have been quieter than a fly fart, because she had snuck into our bed. I went back in there and grabbed my little pen light, pointed it at the bed, and still didn’t see her. That’s when Jennifer got up. I was thinking how to handle telling her that I can’t find Ainsley without throwing her into a panic (I’m the calm one). I said “Ainsley must have went downstairs to sleep” knowing how unlikely that was. She said “She’s on my side of the bed.” Whew! She must have been buried under the sheets.

Then I experienced a sign that today’s going to be a good day. I went down to the kitchen, freezing. Every window in the house was open all night and the whole house fan was on, sucking in 50 degree air. I had on only thin shorts. I couldn’t uncross my arms from my body to make coffee because I was too cold and wussy. I was thinking “damn I need a shirt,” but I didn’t want to go back upstairs or downstairs to get one. Then I spotted a shirt right there by me in the kitchen! Okay, it wasn’t a strong sign.

I’m always tinkering with my sleep hours trying to find the magic formula so I can get all my crap done and feel good doing it. I was on the 8 to 4:30 schedule for awhile, then 10 to 7, 9 to 5, and now I’m going to test out getting up at 4, falling asleep whenever I’m tired, and taking a nap after lunch between 1 and 3. I’m not particularly fond of the time between 1 and 3. What’s going on then? It’s the hottest part of the day. Awful hours. Siesta anyone?

Odd place for a siesta

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