A review of Sammie, our dog, from June 1 to August 22

22 Aug

<1 out of 5 stars

Our dog Sammie, apparently, does not like to poop in the yard in broad daylight. I guess he’s more human than canine in this regard, because I don’t like to poop in the yard in broad daylight either. We both prefer the cover of night. The difference is that I poop in the yard before bedtime and Sammie likes to do it at 2 a.m.

Before we moved, in Maryville, I don’t even know when Sammie pooped, but it was never in the middle of the night. We had a fenced yard and Sammie stayed outside for hours and when the urge hit, she pooped. In Edwardsville we have no fence and Sammie is obviously pissed about this smaller yard that she rarely gets to explore.

Before June, I would have given Sammie 3 out of 5 stars–I know, that’s not great–but she’s getting old and boring. Once a month she will grab her rope toy and act like she’s fun dog, but then she gets tired after about 2 minutes and abandons it. Last Tuesday was her play day, so we all have to wait almost three weeks to feel like we have a real dog. I don’t even want to think about how the rope toy feels to be ignored so much. Bad luck for it to be purchased by us, I guess.

Samme, 1 star dog, June to Aug.

Yesterday, Sammie hurt her review by barfing on our new area rug. She barfed on any chance of a 2 star review. The rug is tan or off-white or cream. I have no clue and maybe all three of those are the same–I don’t know. Anyway, I was on the couch awake after a nap and Sammie was on the rug facing away from me. I reached over with my foot and grabbed her tail with my toes–you know, just messing with her–and then she started heaving, so I jumped up, grabbed her, and tried to move her to the hardwood floor.

I wasn’t quick enough. Instead of one puddle of barf, I had to clean up a line across the rug and onto the wood, because she barfed as I moved her. It was so disgusting. Someone had fed her carrots. She loves carrots, but I guess not yesterday. It’s a shaggy rug so when I started scrubbing on it, bits of carrot disappeared down below the surface. Then the fibers started turning orange. Fun times.

She doesn’t barf like that often, thankfully. But EVERY NIGHT I wake up to find her standing on my chest or on my back, of course depending on how I’m sleeping. She does this to me and not to Jennifer because she learned a long time ago that Jennifer will not get up. Jennifer says “SAMMIE! GET OFF OF ME!” and pushes her away, like Sammie is just messing around and not about to poop herself.

So I take her out the front door because it’s the closest exit and she has to sniff around for what seems like forever. Sometimes I pee over the side of the porch because I have nothing else to do while standing there and I’m in a pissy mood anyway. Once in a while she seems to be constipated and she stays in her poop position for a full ten minutes. It’s agonizing. It’s dark so I don’t even know if she accomplishes anything.

So, there you have it. Sammie (June 1 to August 22, 2010) gets 1 out of 5 stars.


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7 Responses to “A review of Sammie, our dog, from June 1 to August 22”

  1. nursewrachette August 22, 2010 at 4:22 pm #

    Poor Sammie. She is dependant on so many to allow her the privalage of poop. She has become so upset with her need to void and defficate that she sits on you, ney relies on you, the only human who understands her plight. Take the poor girl out on her evenings ablutions. Obviously she tries to keep that private time with you alone. (my husband is stuck with this job as well)Perhaps she finds relief in your company?!

  2. JD August 22, 2010 at 4:30 pm #

    Mike, Been there, done that! Well, not the part about going at the same time as the dog (my husband has), but the vomit line. Yep. Exactly. Poor Sammie. Poor you.

    • fightn4it August 22, 2010 at 6:23 pm #

      Ha. One of the few downsides to pets.

  3. mom August 22, 2010 at 5:09 pm #

    You’re needing a fenced area so she can explore and take her time getting the poop out! Or a invisible/underground fence would be good, I’m thinkin’ winter will be worse!

    • fightn4it August 22, 2010 at 6:22 pm #

      I was standing out there last night thinking about winter. By then we’ll have something figured out.

      • 4eternalsunshine August 24, 2010 at 8:14 pm #

        Sometimes u pee over the side of the porch???? really? no way! :/

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  1. Biting the Hand That “Feeds” Me « plum bananas - September 8, 2010

    […] am shocked and disgusted about the recent 1-star review I received from the “editor” of this website. It was a reeeal eyeopener. That guy is an […]

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