A Review of me Scaring Ainsley with a Giant Zucchini in the Middle of the Night

22 Aug

1 out of 5 stars

I wrote earlier about how the dog disrupts my sleep. Well, sometimes I disrupt my own sleep. Once in awhile I crack myself up so much that I can’t get back to slumberland. I lie there and giggle like a little kid with the sheet over my mouth, trying to be quiet. Unfortunately, last night, Ainsley didn’t find the whole thing funny at all.

I had just climbed back into bed and covered up when Ainsley came in and wanted me to go downstairs with her to get a drink. Of course I didn’t want to, but I got up, told her to get back in her bed and I would bring up some water.

So I have her water in a little cup and I turn to exit the kitchen and I see our zucchinis underneath the microwave on the cart shelf. They’re not really zucchinis; they’re more like softball bats. I read somewhere that zucchinis taste best when they’re picked at around 8 inches long. There’s a reason you don’t see softball bat-sized zucchinis in the grocery store. Unless, I guess, you’re in a godawful grocery store, then it’s probably typical. Jennifer’s aunt or cousin or uncle or someone gave us these caveman clubs.

Huge-ass zucchini

Not my kid or my zucchini

Anyway, I grabbed one and took it upstairs. Before I went into her room, I put the cup of water in the back of my shorts, held the giant zucchini behind my right leg, and opened the door. Ainsley sat up; I walked over to her; she held her hands out; I pulled the zucchini out and offered it to her.

Seriously, I was certain that she would laugh at this. I mean, I thought it was hilarious. She kind of put her hands around it for a second, then pulled away real fast, and planted herself into her pillow and started to cry. Of course, I felt bad, but was biting my lip as I handed her the water and apologized and explained that it was a silly joke that I thought would be funny to her. So she made me scratch her back for, like, five minutes as punishment, but I couldn’t even get her to smile. Maybe because I tried to pull this off in the middle of the night–I don’t know. Summer squash is always funnier in the late afternoon; I should have remembered that.

Hysterical laughter would have snagged me 5 stars, no reaction or a roll of the eyes would have earned 3 stars. Alas, it was a total failure, so my little joke gets 1 star.


4 Responses to “A Review of me Scaring Ainsley with a Giant Zucchini in the Middle of the Night”

  1. Aimee August 23, 2010 at 9:08 am #

    My kids are the same….tysen would laugh..logan too…cameron would have his feelings hurt and cry for the next half hr yellin “i tooold you i wanted waaaterr

    • fightn4it August 23, 2010 at 10:39 am #

      It’s hit or miss with Ainsley.

  2. 4eternalsunshine August 23, 2010 at 9:16 am #

    don’t worry,she’ll get ya back someday 😉

    • mom August 24, 2010 at 7:08 am #

      Sounds like something I would do…maybe that’s where you get it…ha ha

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